The Weakling Gazette

At 8:30am on April 14th Dana White tweeted that he would be hosting an instagram live at noon to make a special announcement. Little did the MMA know that the announcement would shock the world.

The live started right at noon and viewers immediately noticed that the only 2 other participants were none other than Pope Leo and Donald Trump. Dana then went on for a while with his usual self-aggrandizing bullshit but eventually got where he was going: the new headliner for the UFC White House card would be a fight between the two, prompting the president to immediately begin cutting a promo on the pope.

“Leo is a liberal which means he is automatically a pussy”, Trump said. “A lot of people are saying it in fact I saw a 9 year old girl say it to his face and he did nothing it was horrible. Very true but horrible I felt sad for him. I told Bibi I turned to him and I said if this guy was on the island I would have done whatever I want to him I’d treat him like I did the 9 year old I mentioned earlier.”

Pope Leo didn’t seem phased by the remarks. When Dana White asked him what he thought (obviously in an attempt to make the live more interesting) Leo said simply, “I don’t have much to say to that. I wonder if anyone else here has something to say what do you think Melania?” He then adjusted his camera to show that none other than Melania Trump was resting her head on his shoulder and the live chat exploded.

“I just baptized her a little while ago Donald and it wasn’t with holy water”, said Leo. “You see, you’re a man who needs God. And on June 14th Donald you will meet him. Amen.”
Pope Leo then abruptly left the live and shortly after Dana White ended it altogether.

The Weakling Gazette was planning to boycott the event but after today’s turn of events, this is shaping up to be must see tv. Rumors are already circulating that Jesus could potentially corner for Leo, and in Trump’s corner we could possibly see ghislaine Maxwell, potentially setting up a future fight with Hillary Clinton.